


What Happens After

by nitohkousuke



Category: Naruto
Genre: Feelings, Gen, Multi, Polyamory, Pre-Poly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-08-14 10:06:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16490525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitohkousuke/pseuds/nitohkousuke
Summary: Spoilers for Post SeriesSakura deals with her feelings once she can stop focusing on stopping the world from imploding. Just what exactly is her place in this world?This is just a lot of Sakura can't deal with life right now.





	1. Feelings but also Sasuke please accept a new arm

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me venting my Sakura feelings. This will have a lot of chapters and Im gonna try to do it linearly but forgive me if I dont
> 
> The main ship is Team 7 but monogamy is for cowards and when you're gonna die all the time sleeping with your friends is no big deal so theres lot of other ships in here
> 
> This is meant to take place mostly in canon. I might ignore whatever I don't like in canon tho

The door shut behind her and the second it did, she took a few steps in, shoved off her gear, and laid down in the middle of her living room. Her long hair pooled around her. When had it gotten this long? How had she let that happen?

 

A hand moved up to her forehead, remembering the poke from Sasuke. The poke that happened after she'd asked him if she could come with him, blushing, with her long pink hair.

 

And suddenly, she was 12 again. Begging for Sasuke's attention. Powerless and unneeded. Because why would Sasuke ever want her with him on a journey-

 

Stop.

 

She takes a breath, slinging an arm over her eyes.

 

Sasuke didn't. He wasn't. It wasn't that he didn't want her around. There was a softness to him there hadn't been before. There had been a softness to him the entire time she worked on his arm. An easiness about him. Sure, he wanted to go out and figure things out. Sakura couldn't blame him. So much had happened recently.

 

Besides, why did she care? She'd spent five years focusing on herself. Not on Sasuke. Not on Naruto. On herself. Because she was going to be strong without them. She wasn't going to be the damsel in distress. Wasn't that what she vowed when she cut her hair?

 

How did she let it get so long? How did she let herself fall back into her patterns? To blush like some stupid fan girl in front of Sasuke. Like she was useless and weak and not the girl who'd fixed his arm. Or at least, stopped him from bleeding out.

 

She was still pissed he didn't wait around for a new arm. Stupid Sasuke. Punishing himself like that. She had half a mind to hunt him down and graft one on him in his sleep. She was physically stronger than him at this point, as long as she didn't look him in the eyes and did it fast enough before he used Ninjutsu, she was sure she could do it. Well, she wasn't fully sure. Rettaching an arm after this period of time became more and more impossible. But still, she'd performed medical miracles, she was sure she could do it.

 

But Sasuke didn't want that. Just like he didn't want to be in the village. Just like-

 

Stop.

 

This was easier before. This was easier when there was other things to focus on. When the world was at war. When there was the Akatsuki. But now there was only peace, and Sakura didn't have to think too hard about anything she was working on. Medical work was like breathing and she was too good at multitasking. Her brain could write an entire thesis on her emotional state if all she had to think about was work.

 

What was she supposed to do now? Just fall back into place? What was she supposed to do? Was everything going to be the same? Different? Would her and Naruto still find something they were stressed out about to go spar and fuck until it was out of their system? Could Sakura even handle that right now? Because before it was always about how the world was falling apart and why won't Sasuke come back and now there's what her hospital work and Naruto drowning himself in paperwork. What were they supposed to talk about? Sakura didn't know how to have normal conversations.

 

What was she supposed to do about Sasuke? Nothing? Something?

 

Honestly, as she picked herself off the floor realizing she needed a haircut right now at this exact moment, she was grateful he'd left the village on his journey. What would she do if he stayed? Would he join her lunch dates with Naruto? Should she flirt with him again? It wasn't like she didn't still like him. As much as she wished she could let that feeling go, it had long stopped being infatuation. Would Naruto replace her as his sparring partner and fuck buddy? Honestly, she couldn't blame him, even without one hand, Sasuke was-

 

STOP.

 

Sakura closed her eyes hard before staring at her reflection in the mirror. With every snip of her scissors, she tried to remember all the progress she had made. She was strong. Sure, she wasn't a literal god like Sasuke and Naruto were. She didn't have some fancy clan legacy. She didn't have Dojutsu or magic chakra. But she had her fists and her knowledge and her chakra control. She had 5 years of hard work. She was a chunin and they were still genin. She wasn't useless.

 

But when she stared at the now once more short haired her, she wondered if she'd changed enough. Was she still that useless fan girl five years ago? The one that was rude to Naruto when he didn't deserve it. The one that was more interested in getting into Sasuke's pants and having the Uchiha name then about the fact that Sasuke was nothing more than years of trauma and repressed emotions and an inferiority complex shuffled together with the Uchiha fan plastered on the back. Was she still the girl who held Sasuke and cried in the forest of the death as she did absolutely nothing useful? The girl who begged for Sasuke to stay like she could offer him anything?

 

Even worse. Was she the girl who told Naruto that she loved him and that they should give up on Sasuke? Which, that wasn't a lie. She did love Naruto. Strongly, deeply. But she didn't want to give up on Sasuke. She loved them both. Her boys. More than she ever knew what to do with. But Sasuke wasn't coming back and all she could see when she closed her eyes and went to sleep was the hole in Naruto's chest that Sasuke put in him. Was the reports of what Orochimaru did to people. The reports of what it was like in sound. And Sakura wondered if the boy that was parading around in Sasuke's body even was Sasuke anymore. She'd lost him at that point. She thought at least. She didn't want to lose Naruto too.

 

Was she the girl who revealed her feelings to him again as if that would change his mind shaped by how fucked up this world is? Sometimes, she closes her eyes and she hears those words and it mashes up against the memory of her being 12 again and being left on the bench because she's a useless fan girl who can't even remotely understand the severity of the situation.

 

She's a civilian ninja who can't possibly understand what it's like to have nothing. To be hated by everyone for something that isn't your fault. To have your family ripped away from you because of the village's cruelty. For the amount of trauma those two have had.

 

She's just the third member of the team. There to fill in what's missing. Nothing she does will put her on the same level. She'll never be able to understand them like they can understand each other. In fact, isn't she just in the way? If Sasuke came back, they'd be perfect for each other. Wouldn't they? They don't need her except maybe to repopulate the Uchiha clan. That was the only useful thing she could offer Sasuke right? Because she'd never-

 

Stop.

 

She didn't have to deal with this now. None of this. Because Naruto was going to be busy. Kakashi was going to be busy. Sasuke wasn't going to show up again any time soon. She could just....live. Ignore all of this. There was an entire hospital system she could focus on. There was medicine she could revolutionize. She didn't have to try to piece together her life that hadn't really made much sense in the first place.

 

She was grateful Sasuke hadn't come back to the village yet. Because she didn't have time to let herself regress back into being 12 and desperate to repopulate the Uchiha clan. Because she didn't want to figure out what her feelings where for Naruto or Sasuke or Ino for that matter because god they'd been fucking too and if Sakura is really stressed she can fuck Ino as long as Ino doesn't immediately try to pry open the lock that's on all the feelings Sakura's never processed.

 

Because there was nothing to process. Everything was fine. She'd be fine. The world wasn't in chaos anymore. And it needed her and everyone else to piece the infrastructure back together.

 

So.

 

Everything. Was. Fine.

 


	2. Sakura ignores all of her problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently watched Naruto: The Last which made me realize where I wanted a major plot point / confirmed some of my feelings and ideas.  
> So this is just an overview of random events and feelings over a two year period before Naruto: The Last happens and I can move to the next plot point.

Everything was actually not fine. 

Or rather, everything had been passable for exactly one month. Everyone was far too busy with their own issues to look too closely at anyone else’s. If Sakura did spend any time with anyone, there was always a conversation she could turn to that wasn’t her own feelings. She could be there for all of her friends and their grief. She could help piece this village back together. 

As long as it wasn’t about herself. 

But yes. Everything was not fine at exactly one-month post Sasuke leaving on his journey with exactly one arm. 

The morning had started like every single morning had been. She woke up sprawled out in her bed in yesterday’s clothes, scrolls covering her bed. Scrolls covering her floor and her nightstand. 5 years ago, Sakura would have kept her room spotless. After all, being able to clean was the skill of a good wife. But now, she had more important things to do. People could judge her all she wanted, had they seen the others’ rooms? 

She rolled out of bed, trying not to mess up the position of anything anymore than she did by sleeping. She stripped herself of yesterday’s clothes before taking a nice long hot shower where she focused only on the sound of the water because not thinking in the shower was easier than it ought to be. Of course, Sakura knew that was a normal human response, and maybe showers were a form of stress relief sometimes. That wasn’t that too much of an unhealthy coping mechanism. 

She left the bathroom, and moved into the kitchen to make herself something that was enough food before she probably forgot to eat lunch, which was one of the reasons she had lunch dates with people. The kettle was started for her tea. The stove turned on to make her eggs. She hummed something to herself, thinking maybe she’d finally started to have a passable sort of life routine. 

And she’d turned around to come face to face with a hawk perched on her open window. Hawks weren’t super commonly used as messengers anymore. There were still some people, so she tried to rake her brain for who would be sending her a message that couldn’t just bother her at the hospital. Sure, she was drowning herself in work, but people have managed to bother her anyway if they really wanted her. 

She untied the letter from the hawk’s foot and fed him a piece of what would be her breakfast, as she went over names. 

And then, as the hawk left apparently not needing a reply, Sakura realized exactly who’s hawk that was. Because she’d seen it several times before. Because she’d thought about trying to bribe that bird into sending him message throughout the past five years. 

She unfurls the letter, not looking at the contents to see his name at the very bottom. And then she rolls it right back up and puts it on the empty spot in the bookcase and tries to pretend it never happened. 

That lasts all of about five minutes as she tries to go through her mental plan for the day, and her brain sort of fizzles. 

Sasuke had written her a letter. If this was five years ago, Sakura would have read the letter without hesitation and cry at having his attention. That’s what she’d always wanted right? For him to care? For him to talk to her? 

But she had no idea what to do with his attention. She had no idea how she was supposed to feel. What would even be in the letter? An apology? Or was he just writing about his travels as if the past five years never happened? Or did he need something from her? She was a medical ninja. One of the best. Maybe he trusted her more than others.  

But at the same time, she didn’t kid herself. There was no way Sasuke had only written to her. He had to have written to Naruto too? She had no idea what they had spoken about while they were in the hospital together, but Naruto had looked thoroughly more put together. Whatever it was it was needed. Honestly, she wouldn’t be surprised if they’d fucked sometime between their treatments. She hoped they had. She tried to schedule nurses and staff to give the ample time to sort themselves out besides the time they’d spent thinking they were going to die before she’d gotten there. 

She does her best to not even look at the letter as she leaves the house. In fact, she generally avoids that part of the room for next month. 

In fact, she finds other things to focus on. 

Because Sasuke hasn’t been a part of her world for five years. That’s what she tells herself even though it’s a huge lie. 

Because Ino needs her to talk about her love life.  

 _“You needed me, Ino?” Sakura says sitting down across from her at the café. The one they used to go to before that’s finally been rebuilt. She taps her fingers on the desk like she isn’t anxious that she’s not doing something more productive. This is productive too she tries to tell herself._  

 _“I don’t know what to do about Shikamaru.” Ino leans forward, chin in her hand. “He’s obviously got it bad for Temari. I can’t blame him, she’s strong you know? But he won’t do anything because of_ _Chouji_ _and me.” Ino sighs tapping her fingers on the table._  

 _“Did you really bother me for your love life, pig?” Sakura says_ _squinting_ _, immediately falling back into their routine now that she knows it isn’t about the on and off depressive bouts that Ino’s had since the war. Now that it isn’t about the times Ino has called her somewhere so they could just spend time. The times, Ino and her kissed hard and fast against the wall of her room because the others are gone out on a mission and Ino has to remember that someone she loves is still here. That her friends are going to come back alive. That there won’t be another funeral to visit in the coming month._  

 _“It’s not about mine! It’s about that lazy asshole. Come on, he’s your friend too. And you’ve spoken to Temari more than me. I don’t understand why he thinks he can’t go after her? Like he’s already dating two people and we’ve given him our blessing._ _Chouji_ _tried to set them up but he won’t listen!” Ino waves a hand giving Sakura an exasperated_ _look._  

 _“Do you think that maybe he thinks Temari isn’t interested in him dating other people and doesn’t want to ruin what you have? That he’s doing it for your feelings?” Sakura frowns. She is the worst person to come for relationship advice. She’s been ignoring_ _Sasuke_ _and Naruto...._  

Naruto needs her to make sure he eats something other than Ramen. 

 _“Have you left your room for anything other than training_ _in between_ _reading sessions?” Sakura scowls staring at the mess that’s worse than usual. “Have you eaten anything other than cup ramen?” She narrows her eyes at him._  

 _“I got Ich-”_  

 _“Have you eaten anything other than ramen?” Sakura scowls dropping a bag with some quick and simple but healthier than ramen bento boxes. “Please eat some of these and take a break once in a_ _while. If you end up in my hospital due to malnutrition, you will never hear the end of it.”_  

 _“I’m sorry Sakura-chan. I’ve just really want_ _ed_ _to make_ _Chunin_   _as soon as possible! Maybe you’ll just have to drag me out to lunch again more often, ne? Like old times!” Naruto rubs the back of his head in a way that makes her hear soar and then her stomach twist. She’s been avoiding him. Has she really?_  

 _“Well, I’m really busy with the hospital, but if I have to drag you out once in a_ _while to prevent you from needing medical care, I suppose I have no choice.” She offers him a smile before putting a box in front of him, and the rest of them in his fridge._  

 _“I’ve_ _gotta_ _get back. This is my own lunch break and I have more rounds later._ _” Sakura doesn’t look at him as she leaves. She feels guilty that she’s so bad at managing what shouldn’t even be a problem._  

 _“Ne, Sakura-chan...?” Sakura turns and hates that she can see the concern in his eyes. Why is he concerned at all? She’s fine. “Don’t overwork yourself either, ‘kay?”_  

 _“_ _...I’ll_ _do my best.” Sakura mumbles before leaving._  

 Though, their lunch dates don’t quite pick up. Not like before. It used to be almost once a week. Now it’s more like once a month. Sakura is pretty sure that’s mostly her fault. She’s frazzled and maybe she’s trying to push Hinata his way.  

 _“So...” Sakura starts, stirring her tea absentmindedly as Hinata tries to evaporate on the spot. “Are you ever going to talk to Naruto about well...?” Because Hinata had confessed to Naruto but that was in the middle of the battle and Naruto was only half con_ _s_ _cious and sometimes as smart of a sack of bricks as much as she loved him dearly._  

 _“W-well...” Hinata starts and Sakura can see her take a breath and fight down the stuttering. “I already told him...so he obviously doesn’t_ _....reciprocate_ _?” Hinata plays with the straw in her own tea. “Besides, he has you and....” Hinata trails off and Sakura has to fight the anxious feeling in her own stomach._  

 _“Oh please. Don’t use Team 7 as an excuse.” Sakura waves her off with a frown. “Just because I love Naruto doesn’t mean anything. I love Ino too. And I love_ _....._ _Sasuke-kun_ _.” She bites her lip and looks to the side. “I know the_ _Hyuuga_ _clan is probably pretty strict with relationships but...”_  

 _But Sakura knows that Hinata wants out. This isn’t their first discussion. Because Sakura realized Hinata didn’t have a single girl to really talk to and hadn’t joined the girls_ _'_ _group that Ino and Sakura had formed and dragged_ _TenTen_ _into especially after_ _Neji’s_ _death. Because Kiba and Shino were great friend but Kiba’s solutions involved zero tact and he was terrible at listening without action. Because Shino did his best, but didn’t quite have the right approach either._  

 _“But you know, you don’t have to date one person. Or love one person. You’re worried about Kiba_ _too, aren’t you?” Sakura doesn’t meet Hinata’s eyes because she knows that Hinata sometimes doesn’t like the eye contact when she’s nervous._  

 _“Yeah...” Hinata frowns. “Kiba isn’t...he wouldn’t stop me. But I don’t want to hurt his feelings either?”_  

 _Sakura pauses and wonders if Kiba and Naruto sleeping together would fix that. Not that she says that out_ _loud because while she’s had lots of gossip discussions about who’s sleeping with who, she knows anything involving Naruto right now makes Hinata jittery._  

 _“Hm. I think you should do what you want to do. What you need to do. Kiba loves you. I know he wants whatever makes you happy. I’m sure you’ll iron anything out.” Sakura takes a long sip from her tea. She really shouldn’t be giving relationship advice._  

 _“Besides, trust me. You and Naruto? You have a lot in common, and I think he’ll bring out confidence in you. And you’ll calm him down a little.” Sakura says not letting Hinata say otherwise._  

 _“So, let’s try to plan out how you can do this.”_  

She’s a much more put together person. They’d be good for each other.  

Because Karin actually sent her a message asking for her help with medical knowledge and as much as the girl had made her skin crawl...it takes a lot of guts to talk to the person you consider a rival. Because she hated her but she didn’t hate her. She respected her on a lot of levels, and really wasn’t Sakura just as bad as she was at one point? She was just quieter. 

Because Kakashi needs her help with the medical aspect of the hospital. 

She has a whole life she can drown herself in and no one will notice because there’s always so much going on. 

So, life goes on as if it never happened. Sakura pretends she still isn’t having nightmares about every time she’s ever failed and anxiety issues. 

 _Sasuke’s hand is through Naruto’s chest, the curse mark blooming on his skin. Naruto’s hand through Sasuke’s chest, Kurama’s chakra around him in that four-tailed state she tries to pretend never scared her. They’re both afraid, or that’s how it seems to her. They turn to her, wordless. But she can see the question on their faces._  

 _‘Why did you let this happen? If someone else was our teammate...’_  

 She pretends that she doesn’t have what is a textbook inferiority complex.  

 _"Sakura, you’re work with that poison from mist was really well done!” Someone, who’s name she has fully memorized tells her. Someone who she thinks is technically her superior in that wing of the hospital. “I doubt anyone here would have been able to do it as fast as you. You’re a real medical prodigy, the second coming of_ _Tsunade_ _!”_  

 _There’s a pat on her back, and she gives a smile, as she shoves them lightly._  

 _“Please, you’re flattering me. I’m not that good.” Because_ _Tsunade_ _would have been done hours ago. Because no matter how strong or how smart or how skilled...she couldn’t be the second coming of_ _Tsunade_ _. She was just a civilian ninja who got lucky to be on a team that gave her opportunities to be an average ninja at best._  

 _She’s never going to live up to what’s expected of her._  

She pretends that every time Sasuke sends a letter, which is every month or every other month, it doesn’t derail her. 

 _Sakura doesn’t look at the window when she wakes up. She goes through her whole routine before she even dares. Makes sure she’s half way through breakfast. And once she thinks she’s prepared she looks._  

 _And there the hawk is, scroll tied to his leg._  

 _Taking_ _a deep_ _breath, she walks over to him, offering a small piece of meat as she takes it from him. Staring at it, she unfurls it slowly, checks the name she know_ _s_ _will be at the bottom, and places it on the pile. She can’t read this one without the_ _others_ _f_ _ir_ _st_ _,_ _right? And she’s just not mentally prepared. She wants to give_ _Sasuke_ _a proper reply._  

 _It has nothing to do with the cold feeling that has settled in her that maybe she hasn’t earned this attention. Maybe she doesn’t deserve it. She’s still weak. She’s still annoying._  

 _She still told Naruto to give up on_ _Sasuke_ _._  

 _Besides, if_ _Sasuke_ _can refuse one whole arm as penance, then she can deny herself contact for her own._  

 _Even if maybe that’s not fair to him._  

 She pretends that she hasn’t been compulsively cutting her hair.. 

 _It’s too low again. It falls just beyond that spot she’s mentally marked every morning. She’s made so much progress_ _,_ _right? She can train just that little bit more. She made a break through on something this week._  

 _So_ _,_ _she takes the scissors and cuts it to the right spot._  

 _Even if part of screams that this_ _obsessive_ _isn’t healthy even if it isn’t harming anyone. That it shows key signs of something else underneath the surface._  

...or letting it grow whenever she thinks it isn’t good enough. 

 _“Letting your hair grow again?” Ino says with a laugh shoving her shoulder. “For a little while there, I thought your hair just didn’t grow, forehead.”_  

 _“Oh? No, pig. I just...wanted to try this again.” Sakura says with as much of her usual muster behind it. She can see Ino stare for just a moment too much, but she doesn’t push. Just like Sakura didn’t push about Ino sometimes avoiding everyone for days. They’re both a little messed up. Isn’t everyone?_  

 _But Ino is messed up because she lost her father. Sakura’s pain can’t even begin to measure. She’s upset because she’s useless? Because she’s been unable to get any better for months. She can’t seem to figure out how to improve a medical process. Or she lost another patient. Or the pile of scrolls on her table fell all over the floor to remind her just how long she’s been ignoring_ _Sasuke_ _and really isn’t she the bad guy at this point._  

Two years go by fast. Sakura feels like...she’s stuck. 

Because she is. 

And it’s not Sasuke’s fault. Or Naruto’s. It’s hers. 

And she doesn’t know what to do.


	3. Sakura and Ino have a big gay time ft poly feels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG IVE HAD IT OUTLINED FOREVER life just happened

A lot of the things in Sakura's life happen at odd times. They always catch up to her when it's not convenient for a single person. Or maybe, just maybe, going several days with less than a few hours at best a night while drowning herself in hospital work and avoiding any single person or tries to interact with her on something that doesn't involve work....maybe that catches up with her.

 

Because its 3 in the morning and Sakura runs a hand through her hair as she stares at Ino's door. It's been ages, absolute ages, since she's seen the other. The last time she'd seen her had been one of the lunches where Ino had forced her way into the hospital, dragged Sakura to lunch, and tried to force some sense of normal in her life.

 

“ _Ino I have-” Sakura tries to protest as Ino pushes her into the office, locks the door, and throws a bento at her._

 

“ _To eat lunch. You're a doctor aren't you, forehead? You should know better.” There's a serious edge to her voice. Sakura avoids her gaze. “I'm not leaving until you eat that.” And with that , Ino plops herself on the only other chair that isn't covered in paperwork as she eats her own lunch._

 

_And Sakura knows that she has no choice. So she eats as fast as she can so she can get back to hospital work. After all, it's fine. She just has a lot of work._

 

“ _Listen.” Ino says, and Sakura can hear Ino's work voice in the way she speaks. “I can't make you do anything, though I wish I could. But I can see what you're doing. So can the others. And I can't say I can fully understand what you're going through. But. I'm here for you. Just like you were here for me. So.” Ino takes a step and wraps her arms tight around Sakura. “Come find me when you're ready to do something.” Ino presses a kiss softly to her cheek, before giving her a surprisingly soft look, her tone dropping that serious edge. “I love you, forehead. Don't forget that. We all do.”_

 

_And just like that Ino leaves. The pit of guilt set harder in Sakura's stomach._

 

Sakura knocks softly on the door before she loses her nerve. Part of her hopes the other isn't awake, but there are still lights on.

 

Ino answers the door in a set of clothes that might be considered Pj's. Maybe. The strap of her shirt slid down to reveal a series of hickeys. Her lips bruised. Sakura finds herself flushing and looking away. “Ino. I'm sorry I should go. I should have realized you'd be busy. You just got back from a mission. I'm a disaster but I shouldn't intru-”

 

Ino grabs her by the shirt and quickly drags her inside. “Oh my god. No way, forehead. It's totally. Fine. I've just got some people over. Don't worry about it. They'll understand. We're besties, and I've been waiting for you to finally come over.”

 

“People....?” Sakura blinks a few times, trying to remember what exactly was Ino's love life right now. After all, she knew about her and Sai. She knew she still had Team 7, though there was issues with that wasn't there.

 

“Oh yeah. Forehead, you'll never believe it. Shikamaru and Temari finally got together. Thanks to me of course. Shikamaru was almost as bad as you are, no offense.” That's fair but Sakura can't help but huff at that. “But like, I got them together. Temari is way shyer than I thought she'd be. But she's amazing. Let me know if you want in on that at some point. Trust me. Suna's got a whole set of things we don't know. And she didn't even realize that Konoha was as chill as Suna was but when you're a shinobi Monogamy just isn't really worth your time. You could die any day, why even play love triangles...and....” Ino pauses, watching Sakura's expressions change.

 

“I'm so sorry. I got carried away. Post high.” Ino frowns, putting a hand over Sakura's. Sakura focuses on the familiar feeling of the calluses of her hands against her skin. The ones they used to say they'd never get because boys didn't like that. How wrong they were. “Sakura. I'd ask if you're okay, but I know that's not the case. So I'm here. That's why you came here. To talk right? You're allowed to have issues too even if you don't think you are.” Ino knows her too well and Sakura can feel her face grow hot and tears form in her eyes when she says that.

 

“I wish I was more like you.” She feels like a little girl again when all she ever wanted was Ino's lips against her own, but no one had told her that she could. When all she wanted was Ino's attention. When all she wanted was to see Sasuke smile again. When she wanted to be Naruto's friend, but everyone told her he was a public menace and she didn't know any better.

 

“Confident with your shit together. Team 10 has their shit together. All three of you work so well and have your own little things going together. The three of you fit so perfectly. I'm just some stupid civilian shinobi who couldn't light a candle to the other two. I'm the medic and I couldn't even help them. Sasuke still has one arm for fucks sake. I'm never going to be good enough for them, and I need to be. And I'm stuck between wanting to remove myself from their life entirely and actually getting over whatever my stupid inferiority complex and fear of intimacy amounts to and-” Sakura pauses and blinks a few times.

 

“Oh no. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't. I should go. I can't dump this on you. What was I thinking. You're my friend not my therapist.” Sakura can't have another person give more to her than they should be bothered with. She can't. She can't. She can't be a. Burden. Again. Annoying. Bothersome. Burden. She can feel the panic set in. It hurts to breath. The world feels tilted and she's fucked up another thing.

 

“Sakura.” Ino says. “Can I touch you?” She asks in that voice that is a mix between years of friendship and work experience and all Sakura can do is nod dumbly before Ino places her hands on her shoulders lightly. “You're right. I'm not your therapist. But I can find you one. Sage knows that more shinobi should be open about that sort of thing.” Ino mumbles the last one bitterly. “But I'm here for you know. I can't fix your problems. But I can help you figure out where to start. I can be a shoulder to cry on.”

 

“But I don't-” Sakura says, barely able to see through her tears. Weak. That's what she is. Crying and weak. Only little girls cry. Cry because they can't do anything. Can't protect anyone. Can't stop anyone. Can't save anyone.

 

“No.” Ino says, gripping her shoulders. “I'm not taking that. And if you want listen to that, I'm paying a favor back. You were there for me when my father died.”

 

And she was. She remembers the days she dragged Ino out of the house. She remembers cleaning Ino's house out after she'd ignored everything for a week. She remembers holding Ino in the shower as she cried. She remembers frantic kissing because Team 10 hadn't spoken in weeks and Ino was afraid she was going to lose them to and she needed to remind herself that she wouldn't lose another.

 

“No. That was paying you back for when Sasuke left.” Sakura frowns, gripping Ino's wrists. “You were there for me when I healed that hole in Naruto's chest. You've more than earned that several times over.” Sakura doesn't mean to raise her voice, but she has no idea what she's doing anymore.

 

“You've done more than enough. Besides forehead, no self-deprecation in my house.” Ino gives her shoulders a squeeze before pulling her in and wrapping her in a hug. Ino's always felt so safe. Sakura can't help but melt a little.

 

“Oh it's ugly. Is that what the noise is?” Sakura isn't surprised by Sai's voice. She heard him long before he entered the room. Felt his chakra signature long before she'd hit meltdown. Still, she can't help but give him a soft scowl at the nickname.

 

“Hey, Sai, dear.” Ino says looking at him over Sakura's shoulder. “I'm just spending some time with Sakura. Tell the other's I'll return to bed in a few hours and not to wait up for me.”

 

“Oh no. I can't intrude anymore.” Sakura tries to detangle herself, the feeling of guilt spreading over her insides. Burning from the inside out.

 

“Nope.” Ino says. “Not intruding. I've been worried sick about you. Anyone here could tell you that.” And that makes Sakura feel both better and worse.

 

“I'm glad ugly has finally come to her senses. I hope you are able to figure out your problems with dickless and the traitor.” Sakura isn't sure how Sai is able to sound like both a total jerk and a decent person, but truly it's his special ability.

 

“Naruto isn't dickless and Sasuke isn't a traitor!” Ino hugs her tighter and Sai makes an escape. Sakura could in actuality remove herself from Ino with no problem, but she knows better at this point.

 

“I'm aware of both of those, ugly.” Sai puts in his final word as he heads back out of sight.

 

“No using him as a way to worm your way out of talking.” Ino steps back and gestures to the chairs at the little table in her kitchen. “I'm going to make some tea. I'll make some of that way too sweet milk tea you decide to dump into your body like some kind of monster while I make some much nicer tea for myself. And you're going to tell me what's wrong.” There is nothing wrong with milk tea. It's delicious even if it's a little high in sugar.

 

Ino turns to face her as the kettle is put on. Sakura fidgets under her gaze. Well, she should probably start with the most immediate problem. After all, trying to unravel what she knew was the root of the problem was far beyond what Ino could actually do anything about.

 

“Sasuke's been writing me letters....since he left without an arm.” Suddenly, the wood grain pattern on the table is far more interesting than anything else in the room. Sakura can feel a sense of panic set in.

 

“Oh whoa. I never took him for the writing type. I'm glad you guys are talking.” Ino pauses, giving Sakura time to continue, but when nothing is said, Sakura can feel her frown. “You don't seem thrilled. What did that jerk write you? I'll destroy him myself if he hurt your feelings. Really, I thought he was better than that. Sage knows he's smitten by you and Naruto. Can't he just admit that so the three of you can-”

 

“I have no idea what he wrote me.” Sakura admits quickly, not wanting to Ino to have her rant about how the entire world can feel the supposed tension between all of them.

It's dead silent for a minute as Ino blinks a few times. “What. What do you mean you don't know? Oh no, Sasuke is left handed and that's the hand he lost. You poor thing. You can't read his handwriting. Of course you've come to me to help you decipher it. You should have come sooner. He's going to think you've been ignoring him. Though, honestly, he can deal. He igno-”

 

“No Ino. I've been ignoring him. So I guess I don't know if his stuff is legible.” Sakura stops Ino from another rant. Though, she feels the tension leave the air. This feels almost normal?

 

“I have almost two years worth of letters and I can't read them. I can't even look at that part of my room.” Sakura grips the cup that Ino hands her and takes a long sip. “I've been cutting my hair to try to remind myself I'm good enough enough. Letting it grow when I slip up. I've been avoiding people. I can't even go near that mountain of letters. I'm a mess. And I don't know what to do.” Sakura stares at her own exhausted reflection in the cup of tea. “It's like I'm 12 all over again. Shouldn't I be better than this?”

 

“Sakura.” Ino frowns, waiting for her to look at her to continue speaking. “Do you remember last month? It was my dad's birthday. Do you remember what happened?”

 

How could Sakura forget? She'd been the one to pull Ino out of her bedroom as she tried to lock herself in there and not eat for the entire day. She was the one who Ino cried hysterically on that her father was never coming back.

 

“Was I weak for that?” Ino takes a sip from her tea as she waits for Sakura to have the obvious conclusion. “Recovery goes up and down. We all slip up. You can't punish yourself for messing up. You just got to keep moving.”

 

There's a long pause as Ino leans towards her.

 

“Forehead, you have to read those letters. Like, I need to know what juicy details he's telling you. What if it's him being totally mushy? What if it's like secret Intel? What if it's totally random stuff like some flowers he saw? Oh my god, I have to know.”

 

“Do I deserve to?” Sakura says before she realizes those words left her mouth. “I mean, shouldn't I just leave Naruto and Sasuke alone? I mean. Oh there isn't a way to put that that doesn't make me sound like an asshole” Sakura slumps in her chair.

 

“Do you think Sasuke deserves you ignoring him when he might actually be trying to like be a person?” Sakura blinks because yikes she looks terrible when it's phrased like that. “Do you think Naruto and Sasuke deserve to have you avoid them when they both obviously like you?”

 

“You don't know that, Ino! What if the letters are about how terrible I am! What if it's him saying he doesn't like me? What if it's him saying both him and Naruto hate me but Naruto could never say that to m-”

 

Ino slams her hands on the table, almost spilling their tea.

 

“Whoa. Listen. Sakura. Holy shit, you are the stupidest member of Team 7 right now. Listen, I can't make you read those letters. I wish I could but I know that won't go well. But like, first off? Sasuke is a fucking idiot and sometimes has less of an emotional range than Sai. I have no idea what he wrote in those letters, but like, he obviously likes you. If I need to tell you that NARUTO likes you, well listen, you really are stupid. You're letting your anxiety rewrite that smart ass brain of yours, and really I'm not going to let you do that. There isn't a person in this entire shinobi village that isn't aware that Team Seven has the hots for each other. You guys might be a bit of a disaster, but you're the dream team in the making.”

 

The dream team in the making? There was absolutely no way. There was no way. Sakura gripped her cup tightly.

 

“Are we? Ino, we're a trash fire! Team 10's dynamic is so great. You were made to fit together. But Team 7? Naruto and Sasuke are the Sun and the Moon. Reincarnated to find each other. I'm just some girl who got put in to fill out the team of three requirement for their fairy tale and I should-”

 

“Team 10 was a trash fire.” Ino says without flinching. “Chouji wanted to get out of the way of Shikamaru and I. I wanted to get out of the way of Shikamaru and Chouji. Shikamaru didn't want to be involved in what he thought was a messed up love triangle. I never thought we would ever work out. It was fighting whenever we weren't set up to do something. I'm not giving you all the details...but it took Asuma's death to get us to realize we were fucking idiots. Not even Chouji's almost death. Not even me seeing you guys explode to realize I couldn't let that happen to us. No. We let all of that happen, and couldn't get over ourselves. We all though we weren't good enough.”

 

This wasn't something Sakura had heard about really like this. Sure, she'd heard Ino complain about this or that. She watched Team 10 come together. But the realization of how it happened over time. To realize that even a team set up from a formula that had worked for decades hadn't worked from the start?

 

“But I. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to hurt Naruto.” Sakura runs a finger over the edge of the cup as she weakly tries to protest.

 

“Do you love Naruto?”

 

“Of course I do!” Sakura stands quickly gripping the table. “I love Naruto more than I know what to do with. How can anyone not love him? He's kind and loving, warm like the sun. He's an idiot, but he's always there when you need him. He's got an unbreakable will. And he's going to be the best Hokage this world has ever seen. And I'd beat anyone down who would say otherwise.”

 

“Do you love Sasuke?”

 

“....I. O f course.” Sakura mumbles, looking off to the side. “I think in the beginning. He was just...an ideal? I wanted to be like everyone else. But, then...I wanted to make him smile again like he used to. I was stupid. I didn't understand his pain. I can't say I will ever. But. Sasuke is a good person. And I....he deserves better than me ignoring him.”

 

“Well. There there's no issue.” Ino says like she's said the most obvious thing in the fucking world. “Because Naruto has loved you since forever. Sasuke's got it bad even if he's bad at words. And I think the entire world knows those two idiots are in love. You're got everything you need.”

 

Then, why is this so hard? What is she supposed to do? Sasuke isn't in the village. And she doesn't know how to write back to him. Naruto is too busy, and she doesn't want to get in the way of everything he needs to do.

 

“Listen, you just need to get together now that the world isn't ending and you're all on the same side. Don't make me play matchmaker, because if you don't think I won't drag Sasuke back and trick you all on a date where I find a way to lock the three most powerful ninjas in a room with no escape until you resolve this, then you obviously don't know me.”

 

“Ino, don't.” Sakura could feel her cheeks grow hot. She'd have no idea how to cope with that.

 

“Forehead.” Ino squints at her. “You guys are perfect. You had some rocky moments because we were all dumb kids. You had your head up your ass. Sasuke was a kid with terrible coping mechanisms written into his DNA. Naruto didn't have anyone teach him how to deal with emotions. The snake asshole came and made things rough. Then the world was ending. You guys didn't get the opportunity to work things out.”

 

Ino takes a step closer and pokes her straight in the forehead.

 

“But now. There's nothing. You're all grown up. Sure, you have the hospital. Naruto has studying. Sasuke has his world travels. But you guys don't have anything in the way. You just need to talk it out. I think you should probably read all of Sasuke's letters first. Then go talk to Naruto. And, I can hook you up with a therapist too. Like, we can make this work. Okay?” Ino is somehow the voice of reason in all of this. If she had told herself years ago that Ino would be telling her to get over herself and just get with Sasuke and Naruto, she'd never believe it. But here they were.

 

“....Thanks, pig.” Sakura says softly. There's something like hope that sparks up.

 

“Anything for my best girl.” Ino laughs. “You look alive for the first time in like years. I mean besides your split ends and bags. But you know what I mean.” Ino leans close, and kisses Sakura softly, her hand on her cheek as she pulls her close. The kiss only lasts moments, but Sakura can't help but flush when she pulls back.

 

“I'm going to go read those letters. And then sleep. And then....talk to Naruto and I guess I'll figure it out from there” Sakura stands, finishing the very last of her tea. The taste of Ino's lips still linger though. It's nice.

 

“Good! Let me know all the juicy details” Ino clasps her hands with a grin. “Oh and make sure you hit me up for a spa day before the three of you fuck. I can't have my girl have split ends and bad nails on such an important occasion.”

 

“Pig!” Sakura tries to keep her voice down but she can't help but shove Ino as she says that.

 

“What. You know I'm right.” Ino hands her a card that she wrote down a number and name on. “Whenever you're ready. Seriously though, keep me updated.”

 

Sakura nods before she kisses Ino one last time and heads back out to her house where the latest letter has just arrived. She feeds the bird a piece of ham from her fridge as she takes the letter. It's dated on the top for today.

 

The letter is exactly what she would think Sasuke would write. It's to the point and fairly blunt. But it's sweet. Things that reminded him of her. Of Naruto. Nothing too touchy feely. But enough that it makes her heart flutter.

 

_The sun set was nice today. It reminded me of Naruto and you._

 

She unfurls another one and the contents are similar. Little things he's noticed. Whatever he's been doing.

 

...It's nice.

 

She wakes up the next morning with a huge weight off her shoulder, perhaps less sleep than she really needs, and an entire pile of letters finally read.

 

Even though she's exhausted. Even though there's still a buzz of her inferiority complex in her thoughts, she heads over to the hospital with a smile on her face.

 

Things were going to work out just fine.

 


End file.
